What Not To Wear; Airport Edition

Many people remember the popular TLC show, “What Not To Wear”. If you have never heard of it, it basically helped the style-less learn how to stock their wardrobe more fashionably and create looks that suited them. In similar fashion, there should be dress code warnings when people purchase airline tickets in BIG, bold print. The attire many people seem appropriate is truly mind boggling. People, you are in a public place. An airplane is not your living room, bedroom, or lounging place. It’s a space, albeit a small one, that you have essentially ‘rented’ for a very small duration of time. Let’s consider that small detail when deciding what clothes, or in some cases the lack there of, to wear when traveling.


The first major offense that comes to mind is pajamas. Who wakes up and thinks, ‘I’m traveling across the country today, I think I’ll choose my pink panda flannel Jammie’s today’ ??? These are grown adults, not children. It looks absolutely ridiculous. I understand the desire to be comfortable while traveling.  However, is it really necessary to invest such little time in yourself that you choose pajamas to wear through an airport?

I once saw a woman had on house shoes.  House shoes!  I sure hope she wasn’t planning on wearing those things leisurely around her house EVER again. She went into the lavatory with those ‘shoes’ on her feet.  The amount of atrocities that occur in a lavatory of an airplane would truly astonish most people.  So, instead of wearing house shoes back in her home, she should just burn them.  The WORST hygienic offense in an airplane is the LACK of shoes.  Why in the world would anyone take off their shoes???  Flight attendants have told me numerous stories of passengers walking in barefoot in the airplane, but particularly in the lav. Ummmmm, let’s just not do that.  People get sick, in any and every form you can imagine, in a lavatory and people are willing to walk in there barefoot.  Please hold on while I throw up in my mouth a little.


Next up, workout clothes.  Yes, they are comfy.  However, would we consider this appropriate airport attire?  I do not.  Whatever happened to the good ‘ole days where people traveled in their Sunday best?  And, lets just say while some woman can pull off the skin tight, painted on stretchy pants, others cannot.  Tight doesn’t always equal slimming.

I’ve particularly noticed the amount of undress on flights to Las Vegas.  We’re gearing up for a 4-5 hour flight to the city of sin, and women come on the airplane hardly dressed at all.  While entertaining for some, we should remind people that this is still, in fact, a family show.  I can usually see the Flight Attendants shaking their head because they see the writing on the wall.  Sometimes airplanes can be a little cold.  The temperature is something that can be adjusted by the pilots, but what is warm to one person may be cold to another, especially when you’re barely clothed.  Most airlines do not pass out blankets anymore.  But think about it.  Do you REALLY want to use that blanket that has been washed, oh lets say never??  Who knows who has been using it.  Or what sickness they’ve been hacking into it the flight before.  So, when people come on board an airplane with barely any clothes on at all and then ask for a blanket because they’re cold, I’ll file that under, ‘things that make you go, hmmmmmmm.’ Common sense has definitely lost the battle on this one.

I also recently saw an older gentleman getting on an airplane with a lime green comb still ‘stuck’ in his beard.  I’m assuming this was done on purpose, although I’m not quite sure what fashion message this was supposed to send?  I personally thought he looked silly.

Now don't embarrass me!
Now don’t embarrass me!

While there are plenty of people who dress very respectfully, its hard not to point out the ones that do not.  It certainly provides constant entertainment for those of us who travel frequently.  While I am poking a little bit of fun at those who don’t take themselves seriously, just know that no passengers came to harm during the writing of this message.  There are still plenty of clueless folks who have no idea how ridiculous they appear.


Check Your Brain Here…

Have you ever noticed a heightened level of stupidity among travelers in an airport?  Well, let me tell you, I have!  As a pilot for a major airline, I’ve seen my fair share of what I’d like to hope is just a ‘moment of stupidity’. I mean, I sure hope these people don’t display this kind of senseless on a daily basis.


A true friend of mine has encouraged me to start this blog.  He says he will also be contributing as a ‘guest’ to the writing portion of the program.  (I plan on holding him to it).  The purpose of this blog is to give us some comedic relief to the absolute absurdity we see on a weekly basis.  Our hope is first and foremost, to make you laugh because this stuff is FUNNY!  And secondly, we hope to shine a light on what not to do to look like an idiot while traveling.  Oh, and our crew members are not exempt from these observations.  Our crew members aren’t always the sharpest tool in the toolbox when it comes to common sense.  Scary but true.

"I used to be afraid of flying, but thanks to airplanes, not anymore."

During ground school (the classroom portion of training for us pilot types) of my very first airline, the director of training explained to us that we would need to get use to ‘stupid questions’ because when people check their bags, they also check their brain.  It’s true.  I generally have a low tolerance for stupid questions.  When you walk up to me to ask a question because I’m in uniform, I’m generally happy to help.  However, think before you speak.  Please don’t ask me what gate your flight to Miami is going out of WHILE standing under the departure board.  My response in that particular situation is typically sarcastic.  I simply can’t help myself.

I hope that you not only find this blog entertaining but also informative.  Whether you perceive it as a guide on what not to do, or simply enjoy getting a glimpse into the “glamorous” life of a pilot, I hope you enjoy it.  Now, retrieve your brain at carousel number three.